she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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