You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
