Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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