We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
