I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
