I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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