the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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