I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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