I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
