I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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