so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
