Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
