I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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