Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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