just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
