He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
