Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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