it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
