I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
