His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
