Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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