I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
