after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No subtext here. People are naked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
