Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
