you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
