I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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