I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
