just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
