i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
