I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
