please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
