Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
