After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
