She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
