I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
