somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
