U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
