Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
