No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
