you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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