she peed on how many people?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
