Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
