Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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