I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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