If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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