get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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