Yo dont text me then not text me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
