so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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