at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
