my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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