Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
3 2 1 whiskey
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
