One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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