When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
