So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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