This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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