Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
