What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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